Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Stuck In the 90s

The 90s kid... complete with body glitter, plaid, a Leo DiCaprio obsession, and a Pearl Jam CD in a DiscMan... never really dies on the inside. For years you've been on the younger end of a generation gap blasting your music and helping all the old people learn how to email. The times are changing, my cargo-pants-wearing twenty-somethings...

It's 2013 - every child over the age of 1 has a cell phone, an iPad, and every gaming console on the market. They have almost no clue of what a VHS was, and forget about taste in music or TV shows.  Just because Justin Beiber is (SOMEHOW) really huge, doesn't mean he's actually good... or even comparable to NSYNC...He's just ok looking for a 12 year old, I guess.  What they don't realize is how different their childhood will be!
 Time wasn't wasted on watching people in New Jersey with verbal diarrhea getting drunk, or with fat little redneck girls somehow taking part in pageants... as entertaining as it is to see a chubby little girl psychotic on mountain dew talk about how wonderful she is... TV shows used to consist of awesome retards, like in Wayne's World and All That!  Our sad/angry/hopeful/horny/drunk.../weird thoughts weren't posted for the world to see on Facebook! They were (usually) in a locked diary, or sent in folded wanna-be oragami notes to friends.

Most of us didn't have cell phones until some time in high school.  Think about how awkward it is to call a girl you like on the phone (no, not texting and no, not IM) and her dad answers. It's even more awkward for her with mom listening in on the conversation, and the flood of questions coming from dad who already hates said guy because you talked to him for three hours and he couldn't use the internet.

 That's right... the internet ran over the phone line (the land line of course), and it sounded like a fax machine on meth.  God forbid someone tried to use the phone at the same time, they'd be in the ER with blood spewing out of their ears and permanent deafness in that ear.  It had one speed: slower than hell, and you only had a set amount of pre-paid time.
 For fun, we carried around a plastic egg with a screen on it. With an 8-bit "animal" of some sort that we had to feed constantly and clean and shovel it's shit. This was called a Tamagotchi and probably the most important part of your day until you came across the one beanie baby you have yet to collect - and you bought it for way too much money in hopes that some day it'll be worth millions.

Just to age us a little more...
  • We were around when the original Now That's What I Call Music CD came out
  • Will Smith wasn't trying to make his mediocre daughter famous (he was actually awesome!)
  • Corey and Topanga from Boy Meets World now have a child who will be in a new show called Girl Meets World. Not only is their relationship STILL perfect, but that's how old they are...
  • We remember when cell phones were bigger than bricks and were kept in a bag in your car... and you had to hold the antenna on the roof or something for signal
  • Axl Rose (if you even know who that is... if you don't shame on you and you're probably a Bieber fan) made a bandana fashionable

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