Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Will The Power Go Out On Ray Lewis Yet?

Just when you finished celebrating because you thought you saw the last of the retiree in the Super Bowl,the power goes out again.  Only this time, it's because Ray Lewis isn't quite done yet. The only difference is, he obviously won't be playing the game anymore - he'll be talking about it.
That's right folks... instead of seeing him during just one game on Sundays next season, you'll be hearing him on ESPN as an analyst.  If you're not a Baltimore fan you're probably asking yourself "WHYYYYYYY?!", and of course I'm right there with you with a few explitaves added...
The answer: somehow, someone with less of a brain than Phil Simms decided that former football player = great equation for idiocracy...I mean analysis...

I don't know about you, but I don't trust a man who's trying to pass as manly but wears makeup... and yes, eye black counts when it's smeared drag queen hooker style across 3/4 of the face.  You're not scary, you're not intimidating, you're old and you don't want anyone else to know about that. Sounds like you and Cher could have fun together...I'd wonder if you were related but even she (comparatively) can look decent... Kind of.. (maybe not)

Either way, what does he really have to bring to ESPN? They already have never-ending commentary (that 5% of people really listen to) from former players and coaches.  The only way Ray will be helpful is if they're analyzing deer antlers.
I'd rather watch Strahan try to be funny than have to listen to Ray Lewis.  It takes more than a flashy homosexual dance and and a slapdash face to analyze on ESPN. But hey, we understand that you've gotta take what you can when trying to gather a bunch of douchebags for your show.

- Scrizzle

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